Blog Post
Am I dealing with now?
Janet Martin • August 27, 2018
Always, never, again - combine these words with a pronoun and you can be sure you are not just dealing with whatever is happening now! 'This always happens to me!', 'I never get what I want', 'You never take my side', 'Here we go again' - all these phrases mean that I am either bringing the weight of the past or my fear of the future to whatever is happening now. I am not just dealing with what is happening now and my emotions are running high.
It takes real effort sometimes to deal with just the now - and I know that any conversation that incorporates again, never, always and a pronoun is not going to go well! These conversations are coloured by anger, blame, guilt and often shame.
I am not saying we don't have to deal with chronic problems - ust not in the heat of the moment.
One of my favourite examples is someone forgot to pick up the dry cleaning (or milk or a present, or make a reservation). Being in the present, I just deal with the fact that my favourite outfit is not available to wear tomorrow so I will have to wear something else. That is the present issue - I might be angry, frustrated, and panicked about what else to wear - but that is the current issue and there is a solution for that.
Sometime later, when my emotions are cooler, I can check to see if getting the dry cleaning into the house is a chronic issue or not (maybe it doesn't happen all the time, just during hectic or stressful times for the person who is supposed to remember to pick it up or maybe it's only an issue if I am nervous or stressed).
If it is an ongoing issue, then I can have a conversation about a better way to get the dry cleaning into the house - delivery? Someone else picking it up? Buying clothes that don't need to be dry cleaned? Creating a reminder? etc. There is a blame free, co-operative and maybe even creative solution.
Get notified of upcoming classes, seminars & retreats
Subscription Form
About Janet Martin
Janet Martin, the owner and principal teacher of Making Headway, brings a unique and practical perspective to her mindfulness teaching and coaching.
Janet began her mindfulness practice when she was a senior executive. The experience was life changing. She knows firsthand that through meditation practice, people are better able to meet the demands and stresses of everyday life.
