The Covid blahs

But as the pandemic staggers on with no return to normal in sight, many of us are feeling a sense of malaise and we are all grieving in some way. Our sense of hopeful change is gone—we feel the fall will be more of the same or worse contain a second wave. There is a kind of blah-ness and sadness that sets in with this. We may not even acknowledge that it is occurring, but it is attacking our underlying sense of happiness. We are grumpier, having strange dreams, more impatient with each other, and in general fed up and afraid. 

All of the three underlying pillars of happiness—connection, meaning, and gratitude—and our sense of safety have been shaken. 

Our relationships to others have been curtailed by this disease. I am missing big family gatherings, friends, casual conversations, hugging, shaking hands, in-person teaching, dining with friends, shared jokes around the bridge table and unmasked facial expressions. I am missing the all the things that keep me connected to others. I am afraid that it is starting to feel normal.

Our connections to the things that give us meaning in our lives are disrupted. For most people meaning comes from a mixture of family, work, volunteering, championing causes, worship and spiritual practices. Every one of these has been affected by this disease—often in the way we get to experience them or by putting them on hold or eliminating the possibility of accessing them for the time being.

Everything is just a little or a lot harder and we are more fearful. Shopping means ordering online or planning a careful trip to the store with a mask and trying to social distance. It means getting annoyed with people who don’t follow the rules. We don’t just run out and get something anymore. We don’t jump on a bus or order an Uber with the same sense of security and safety. We are worried about a second wave this fall and worried about school starting up.

We can’t really plan. Weddings, trips, celebrations have been cancelled or deferred. For those for things we have booked or deferred to next year, we truly have no idea if any of it will happen.

All of this leads to more difficulty in being grateful. At some level we resent what has been taken from us. We have more restricted lives and experiences so we may find it harder to be grateful for what is still available.

While we need to accept what we are feeling now and acknowledge it, we need to do the things that ease it.  

I think gratitude is the start of getting back our happiness. When we refresh our feelings of gratitude even in this restricted time, it gives us back some peace and security. We start to remember there is still a lot of good, of wonder, of joy to be experienced moment by moment.

With this sense of gratitude refreshed, we can look at the other elements of happiness and make positive changes there too. We can make a plan to reactivating whatever ties to others that we can. If we were good at keeping in touch with our friends in March but have been lax lately, we can start making those calls again. We can find other ways to connect. 

We can figure out how to build new ways to experience what is meaningful for us or maybe find a new cause to fire us up—there are lots of things that can be better. Each of us can play a role in making that happen.

We can let the sadness seep out and the happiness come back in!