Stop bouncing and try rolling

I used to bounce. I was an adrenalin junkie—always indignant about something or someone, always ready to point out why and how things were going off the rails or how someone was rude, selfish, dumb or simply incompetent. My favourite expression was “that makes me crazy”. I loved to gossip and to criticize others. It seemed to me I was surrounded by incompetence and stupidity and no small measure of selfishness on the part of others. I was bouncing from one hurt and injustice to another. Life was a challenge and I was constantly feeling like I came up short in all the roles I played (both personally and professionally). The bounce was indicative of not feeling good about myself and constantly trying to prove I was enough.

Meditation (years of it) has changed me and yes get older is part of it too. I no longer bounce all the time. I roll. I let life roll through me (at least most of the time). I know I am enough even when I fail. I know that I control very little. I know that I used to be like most people--really hurting a lot of the time and just wanting to feel better. I know that hurting makes people act in unwise and selfish ways.  

I know when if I roll rather than bounce, I will really experience the joy of life and be able to handle the difficult parts. I know I only control my actions and my intentions but each action matters. I try and take care to make sure my actions are wise and are fueled by good intentions. 

 

I don’t always get it right. I screw up a lot, but I still know I am enough. I am happier and calmer and really savour my life more because I stopped bouncing and started rolling. When you roll you are like a snowball gathering up the good and the joy and wrapping it around you with each movement forward. The bad just doesn’t stick—you roll over it and leave it behind.